I would just like to say thank you to those of you how are following and reading. This is a way i think i will be able to help myself, now and in the future. As well as other Addicts out there. So again, thank you for your time. Everything i have to say here is based on my experience or opinion.




Thursday, July 24, 2014

Places

When you're worried about getting high every day, we tend to develop patterns in our daily lives. Wake up, worry about how you're gonna get money for some drugs. Or if you have money, call your dealer, go to his house, etc... After a little while we start to associate these places, dealers house, the drive there, what part of the town or city its in, with getting high. I swear my body knew every time i was going to hook-up. I'd being feeling like shit, about to go through some withdraws, and as soon as i knew i was able to leave, I'd start to feel better. This happened to me a lot. Our bodies remember. Even if your not thinking about it, i used to everyday all day, our bodies remember for us. The things we do to get high almost become rituals. The bad part is, we start to enjoy these rituals as everything around us falls apart. And we don't even notice because we're so worried about ourselves. I found after i got clean and was even near some of these places, i would start to think about getting high.
More to come.    

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

People, Places, and Things.

 This is a common phrase you hear associated with addiction. I first heard it when i went to outpatient counseling. I can't tell you how true it is. I can't stress to you the importance of these 3 words. The People you once used with. They were friends, acquaintances, dealers, brothers, sisters. Anyone you used with. We get very selfish when you're always looking for your next high. When you're in jail, on the streets, going through withdraw shitting and puking your brains out, there not gonna be there for you. Why? Because they're worried about the same things you are. We don't care if we hurt other people, emotionally, or stealing from them is usually our prefered method. Try and stay away from anyone you used with. During recovery you need to be surrounded by Sober people. Positive people. Sometimes this means not talking to you're old friends, for awhile or ever again. I can't tell you how many times just being with my friend, my best friend, would end with us both getting high. And it was the same with a lot of people. Maybe even people you grew up with. If you're clean now and see these people theres nothing wrong with saying Hi, checking in on them. But do not "hang out" with them. If you're doing good and staying clean, the best thing you can do for them is continue to stay that way. Be an example. No one will change unless they want to.
    I think I'm going to break this up in to 3 posts. It would be pretty long if i didn't. Feel free to ask questions or leave comments.  
     

Sunday, January 19, 2014

I Haven't had a relapse!

But I've been really busy with work and life. After using for so long, one tends to lose themselves. The people they once were. So right now i'm still discovering things i like to do, or did do and am now getting back into it. Its kinda like rediscovering yourself. I really want to get better at posting more often. When i talked about the reason i thought i did drugs with my substance abuse counselor, and then getting an outside perspective really helped me. Also, NA (Narcotics Anonymous) helped me a lot as well. I don't go as much as i should anymore, I could say its because im busy, but that would be a lie, I've just been getting complacent. For me, I have to stay on top of my addiction, the last time i got complacent i had a relapse. And i don't ever want that to happen again.
Erik          

Monday, April 23, 2012

Cravings

So life's been going ok, can't say it's been great. I can't find a job right now but i am trying. Hopefully soon tho.
I'm finding it hard to shake the feeling of getting high, not the I'm sick i need to get high feeling, but that first time. They say that's what addicts chase and i would say it's kinda true. I'm on Suboxone and that does help for sure. There's just some time through out the day when i get cravings and it really sucks. I'm on 16mg a day. Now for those of you that don't know Suboxone comes in different MG's, I think it starts at 2mg and goes up to 8mg, i know the highest is 8mg not sure on the 2mg tho. Anyways, so i take my first one shortly after i wake up, the time vary's day to day and thats 8mg. I take the second one at different times but it's usually at night, 6,7,8pm around there. My problem is that in the afternoon i get these cravings, again there not time specific, they just happen. I notice that if I'm stressed or having a bad day they happen more often. I'm finding myself just waiting for my next dose, kinda obsessing about it sometimes. I don't like this at all. I have things i need to be doing, life to be living, moving on, if that's possible. I know it is tho. I have met numerous people in NA (Narcotics Anonymous) that have moved on in life. That's not to say they don't think about it once in awhile but there back in society. Leading productive life's. Not using, not on a maintenance program, which is what Suboxone and Methodone are. I would really, really like that one day. I know i can do it. The only thing in my way is me.

Saturday, April 21, 2012

I'm Back

So its been a couple years since I've posted, but I'm back. I can't say I've been 100% clean tho, i did smoke some pot late 2011, in October and continued till December. No opiates tho. But i stopped smoking again. It seems that I'm also addicted to Marijuana, I would say its more of a mental thing but i love to smoke some weed. I can't tho I'm on probation. If i did i would go to jail and i really don't want that. 

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Digging myself a deeper hole!

I was working as a Assistant Manager at a gas station at the time and i was making pretty good money. I was 18 going on 19 soon, still heavy in to drug use. I had lost my girlfriend at the time, probably due to my using I'm not sure tho. I  can't really remember to tell you the truth. But their i was popping pills every day and if i couldn't get those, that's when the heroin stepped in and it was starting to step in a lot more. I went from shooting up 1 bag of heroin a day to as many as i could get. This is in a 4-6 month time frame, so that shows you the power of addiction.
When I first shot up i used half a bag of heroin. That half a bag got me so high and sick. I was high but i was also throwing up, but i didn't care. Now if your throwing up it's probably for a reason, you don't just throw up unless there's some thing Bad in you. I know this, most every body know this. So why after that first experience did I still get high? Well i had those excuse's, my back and shoulder were hurting. And that was my thinking at the time, but i realize now they were and are just excuse's to use. If i work out every other day my back feels fine, and so does my shoulder. To bad i didn't think like that back then. I would have saved myself a lot of pain and depression that came with being a addict. On the depression side of it, it didn't help that my mother died of cancer when I was 14. So I'm sure at the time that didn't help either, with my wanting to escape from reality. In fact I'm sure i didn't help matters at all.
Thank you to those of you that are followers and who ever else reads it. I do want to apologize, because i could  be writing more but, A, its a little hard to remember and I''m working now so time is limited. So thank you for your patience, and i will keep going that i promise.  

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Where did i leave off? oohh yeah!

So after the second Car Accident i had stopped going to physical therapy by then, but i was still getting those damn pain killers. So i took the easy way out and just kept eating hand fulls of the pills.By now I'm 18 and really heavy into drugs, any kind. And i was shooting up, all of them
So now I'm in to Heroin, killed the pain and got me high, two for one right? Yea know the funny part about it is I knew the whole time it was wrong to do and dangerous. But I had back pain and shoulder problem. This was my justification at the time. I was to the point were i had even myself fooled. In reality I probably looked foolish.


Saturday, March 20, 2010

SORRY FOR THE DELAY ON MY POST :(

I just stared a job, well see how long that will last. But i am writing still its just a long one. So fear not i am still going to go through my experience with you.


Erik Anderson

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Just a little History

       When i was 16 i dropped out of school, still don't know why? I was already heavy into drug use. Perhaps having your mother pass away at the age of 14 would be an, easy excuse, and it was for me. So I'm 16 i drop out of school and It was close to my 17th birthday and i just happen to get a job doing Animal Control for a friends relative. It was a good job, some harder work but nothing a 17 year old couldn't handle. Then with my brother and his then girlfriend and I, were in a car accident, we were hit from behind not to hard but, hard enough. Lets just say we heard the sound and felt it, but didn't hear any tires screeching. I felt fine at the time, no injury's that is and so was everyone else, thankfully. So we leave the accident with a minor ding to the bumper and a smashed front end of some guy. And i was fine the whole day, and even the whole next day. On the 3rd day is when all the pain started in my back. It was hard for me to get out of bed, bend over, walk. So i went to the Dr and was given an MRI and there was a slight bulge in one of my disc's near the lower part of my back. So I was given Pain medication and Physical Therapy. So i start going to PT and taking the Medication at the time. The Meds. would work in an hour, the PT would take Months and Months, i thought and they said. So at the time I'm still working full time and some times more. And at the time PT was getting in the way of work, but the Medication would work in One hour and work for 4 more hours. So to me at the time it was easy take the Meds. and not go to PT. I stopped going to PT and started to Buy more pain killers off the streets. This was"OK" at the time because i was in pain. But really i was already hooked on these pain killers and used my back as an excuse to get "HIGH". And this is only 6-7 months after the car  accident. 
      Then I was in another car accident with my then boss in his truck. This time we were hit we'll we were stopped and the car was going about 40mph the "cops" said any way. And it was from behind again and i was turning in my seat to write down a phone number of a heavy equipment rental place. So this time I'm hurt. And i couldn't go to the hospital because i was getting paid cash at the time. I'm still 17 years old mind you about to turn 18. So now I'm really hurt but can't do any thing that day about it. So i eat more pain killers.